confusion. stuck... discombobulated.
post. coming. need. break.
better. anyways. do you ever have one of those days where you just feel completely out of it? where you are thinking about one thing, and you sidetrack yourself, and completely forget what you were thinking about in the beginning? then, as you try to remember what you were thinking about, or about to do, you stare at the computer, wondering what the fcuk is going on?
yeah. it's been one of those days.
i stumbled upon someone's weblog who updates a bit more frequently than i do, about once a month, and got sidetracked... looked through a bunch of my photos that i took when i first got my new camera... and somehow, got determined for about an hour to redesign. so i did.
then i stopped, and tried to remember what i was supposed to do today. i couldn't remember at all. i sat there and stared at the computer screen wondering what i was supposed to be doing today, but had no idea. my mind was running in circles with no real coherent thoughts.
i still haven't been able to remember what was going on.
what ever happened to the weblog? i spent alot of time updating this damn thing in the past, but work, and life invaded, and this fell behind. but, it seems that it fell behind with everyone else too. what happened to it? what happened to all the domains that were purchased for the sole purpose of blogging? where did the bloggers go?
and where did the time i used to have to take photos go? i used to be into photography like a bad habit, and somehow, even with the new camera that i thought would re-ignite that flame inside of me, i haven't taken any pictures to be proud of in months.
i think that maybe it's the city. the bay area is so void of anything that can inspire me. maybe it's because i do nothing but drive to and from work lately. where is the time there to take photos? what the fcuk would i take photos of even if i did? the fcuking traffic i sit in every day? the million and a half fast food places? the gas prices that are soaring above three dollars? what? there's nothing. nothing to shoot, no time to shoot it. no desire to even take the damn camera out of the bag.
so what then? is it a waste of a thousand dollars for something that i used for a month and then forgot about? i remember justifying it when i got it thinking that i would get out more, and bring it everywhere. for the first month or so, i did. i carried the damn thing everywhere. and then last night, my fiance tells me that there's one of those bugs that looks like a leaf outside on the wall, and why don't i take a picture of it? so, i grab the camera and proceed to get annoyed because i can't fcuking remember how to use the damn thing.
maybe that's what started all this. maybe it's just because i couldn't use my camera last night. maybe it's because i feel like a failure lately. i mean really... i play video games and program stuff for work. that's it. i haven't gone out and done anything for myself in god knows how long. but, at the same time, i'm not sure i want to.
it's those feelings of depression, discombobulation, not caring that is the whole reason i bought this site, so i guess it's fitting that i'm writing it here. not that anyone reads this. not that any of my friends who i knew back in the day when the whole weblogging thing was big actually care anymore, so i guess i'm just writing to myself.
hi, self. get up off your ass and do something with your life.
better. anyways. do you ever have one of those days where you just feel completely out of it? where you are thinking about one thing, and you sidetrack yourself, and completely forget what you were thinking about in the beginning? then, as you try to remember what you were thinking about, or about to do, you stare at the computer, wondering what the fcuk is going on?
yeah. it's been one of those days.
i stumbled upon someone's weblog who updates a bit more frequently than i do, about once a month, and got sidetracked... looked through a bunch of my photos that i took when i first got my new camera... and somehow, got determined for about an hour to redesign. so i did.
then i stopped, and tried to remember what i was supposed to do today. i couldn't remember at all. i sat there and stared at the computer screen wondering what i was supposed to be doing today, but had no idea. my mind was running in circles with no real coherent thoughts.
i still haven't been able to remember what was going on.
what ever happened to the weblog? i spent alot of time updating this damn thing in the past, but work, and life invaded, and this fell behind. but, it seems that it fell behind with everyone else too. what happened to it? what happened to all the domains that were purchased for the sole purpose of blogging? where did the bloggers go?
and where did the time i used to have to take photos go? i used to be into photography like a bad habit, and somehow, even with the new camera that i thought would re-ignite that flame inside of me, i haven't taken any pictures to be proud of in months.
i think that maybe it's the city. the bay area is so void of anything that can inspire me. maybe it's because i do nothing but drive to and from work lately. where is the time there to take photos? what the fcuk would i take photos of even if i did? the fcuking traffic i sit in every day? the million and a half fast food places? the gas prices that are soaring above three dollars? what? there's nothing. nothing to shoot, no time to shoot it. no desire to even take the damn camera out of the bag.
so what then? is it a waste of a thousand dollars for something that i used for a month and then forgot about? i remember justifying it when i got it thinking that i would get out more, and bring it everywhere. for the first month or so, i did. i carried the damn thing everywhere. and then last night, my fiance tells me that there's one of those bugs that looks like a leaf outside on the wall, and why don't i take a picture of it? so, i grab the camera and proceed to get annoyed because i can't fcuking remember how to use the damn thing.
maybe that's what started all this. maybe it's just because i couldn't use my camera last night. maybe it's because i feel like a failure lately. i mean really... i play video games and program stuff for work. that's it. i haven't gone out and done anything for myself in god knows how long. but, at the same time, i'm not sure i want to.
it's those feelings of depression, discombobulation, not caring that is the whole reason i bought this site, so i guess it's fitting that i'm writing it here. not that anyone reads this. not that any of my friends who i knew back in the day when the whole weblogging thing was big actually care anymore, so i guess i'm just writing to myself.
hi, self. get up off your ass and do something with your life.
[8.30.2005]